Decisions

I am thirty-six years separated from my last head injury, so as a matter of technically speaking, I am under nobody’s “care”.

Except my Own. And that, reader, is a great deal of responsibility. On the days when I don’t want “it” enough for me, I hope and strive to want it enough for you, because working with TBI is my gig, and if I am to ask you to push yourself, it seems reasonable that I am willing to do the same.

Backing up though, I didn’t start on this path motivated, I did not start out on a path of wellness, well. Quite the opposite. To quote a friend,

“I didn’t come here walking towards the light, I came here running from the fire..”

And by that, I mean the active state of addiction from which the symptoms of my TBI were both hopelessly masked and intertwined.

And so, (nineteen years ago) as desperate as the dying can be, I asked whatever Power was out there for the gift of a fresh start; soon, I was presented with a wonderful teacher and a set of instructions to follow. Those instructions came in the form of a blue book, one-hundred-and-sixty-four pages in length, which I studied and applied for a number of months until the change I sought came out.. It is a program I still follow today. A line I read very early on in that book, had this to say:

‘They are (over remorseful) and make many resolutions, but never a decision”

Like almost every other salient point in the program of recovery, I was given a thorough probing on what that meant, what it meant to me, how it spoke to me. You could probably guess (if you know many people who are just clearing out from under twenty years worth of chemical fog) none of it really meant anything. But that is why I needed help. Those first few months in the “big book” were akin to learning to read braille, but in this case is it was looking for personal context- giving flesh and bones to the narrative of recovery. Taking the story of the founding members and working through their shared experience until their experience was to become my own.

I remember that line, specifically though, and how it spoke to me. We alcoholics make many resolutions, but never a decision. Resolutions are typically very one dimensional: I will not to that. That being the one thing, the only thing with a dimension in that equation. But decisions are different. Decisions involves two things or more- that is what makes them a decision; like a Kia or a Toyota- that is a decision. But more to the point, a decision involves a second principle, I dare say.. a higher principle. A dear friend of mine sometimes says to be for something holds more water than to be against something– and that is what this is about. Growing is not about what you wish you wouldn’t do anymore, it is about your intentions to do different starting tomorrow, or better yet: starting today.

My passion these days is recovery, but also education. On everything from sunlight to the microbiome, how certain actions affect human beings on a neurological level, and helping people make small changes that over a period of time culminate in huge shifts. I write my own treatment plan these days: things that I know to be good for me, that would recommend the people I work work strive to do. Something that binds me to a principle called wellness, that hell or highwater, I commit to.

So, in the spirit of walking alongside those I coach, here are my commitments to you, to them, but also mostly to myself. These are my current commitments though winter and spring, as part of my continued cognitive healing process:

Mind:

Milligrams of Aricept for memory loss.

1 teaspoon of Alaskan Cod Liver Oil

750 milligrams of GABA Supplement for Anxiety

2 Capsules of Theanine/Bacopa “Brain Awake” supplement daily

Ten minutes of Wordle a day (fantastic cognitive intervention)

150 flashcards of phrases in French by June (linguistics- also great for TBI repair)

Body

15 Minutes of natural sunlight a day. (I work indoors, so a needed commitment)

3 liters of H20 everyday

Ten servings of fish per week, fifteen fruits and vegetables in any amount per day.

Reduce wheat/sugar/processed foods to zero by March (all inflammatory foods, all create brainfog and memory loss in me)

Continue with alternating Neurofeedback and C-Rod 3 times per week.

Get my Heartrate (Heartbeats per minute) up to 170 BPM x 2 each week, holding for one minute each time.

Anyway, this is published (and now public) commitment to good health.